My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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