Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
