i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
