and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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