Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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