Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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