there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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