and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
