Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
