In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize