i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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