I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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