Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
