honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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