I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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