she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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