that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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