you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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