I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
