too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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