just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
