I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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