There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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