yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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