Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
