You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
