his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
