Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
