You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
