while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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