totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
