I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
