I will die if light touches me.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize