I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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