we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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