Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
