The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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