youre lurking in front of me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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