i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
