My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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