i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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