sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Two words: nipple clamps
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