There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
