Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
