another moral hangover. fuck.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
