Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sext me about skeletons
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
