I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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