i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
