Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
