pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
