you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
