No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
