She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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