Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
