my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
