im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
