I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
