Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
