Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
