You just made me feel so damn special
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
