why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
