If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
