When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize