she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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