Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
