I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
tell me about the eggs
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
