at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
