my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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