She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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