So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
