We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize