Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
