I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think my moral compass just broke
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