she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dignity is for republicans.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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