Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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