Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
