The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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