Yo dont text me then not text me
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
