I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
