Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is Oprah even human
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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