I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
