so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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