Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
