There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
