I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
