I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
