She said her name was "party"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
