Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
