Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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