I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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