This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
