i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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