I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize