By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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