the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
