So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did I show you my penis last night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize