im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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