Umm I'm too high to move.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The power of my boobs compel you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
