my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
