I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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