my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
