In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
